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Hello,
Welcome to the Big Picture Partnering newsletter.
Summer is finally in full bloom. This month's Relationship Tip is
about how to "Cool Down" any areas of your relationship that are hot
spots this summer. I hope you find the tips and resources helpful in
making your relationship rock-solid and taking it to the next level.
Please feel free to communicate your questions and interests directly to
me -- Dr. Jan -- info@bigpicturepartnering.com For more information go
to www.bigpicturepartnering.com
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Big Picture Relationship Tip for July, 2004 |
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Do
you need a summer "cool down" for conflicts in your relationship?
Many people question their entire relationship and commitment when
they have disagreements or areas of difference. "Have I married the
right person?" "Maybe we'll never see eye to eye!" Yet all
relationships have areas of disagreement or difficulty. Research
shows that it is not HOW MUCH you fight -- it is how you disagree
and that you are able to come to resolution together! So, you ask,
how can we learn to come to resolution together?
In Big Picture Partnering, if you are fighting frequently or if
you regularly run into "hot topics," just for now, agree to not
fight until you calm down and learn a better way of talking to one
another once again. Start with the No Fight Pact. Then, instead of
disagreeing, increase the amount of positive interactions you have
each day. Make sure these are much higher than any negative
interactions. The "magic ratio" is FIVE POSITIVES for every ONE
NEGATIVE. This will create a more loving atmosphere so that when you
come together around your hot topics, you"ll feel more connected and
calm.
The next step is to take the next 2 weeks and simply TALK AND
LISTEN to one another for 20 - 30 minutes every other day. Do not
start with your hot topics. But rather, see what other things are
important to share that you may not have shared for a long time.
Each of you gets 10 - 15 minutes where you talk about something
important to you -- It's not about the kids, or schedules, or work.
Do this without interruptions, and simply listen carefully to one
another. If you are a bit out of touch and have a hard time coming
up with topics, take a look at our conversation cards -- they are
great conversation starters. REGULAR TALKING / TAKING TURNS : Ten to
fifteen minutes every other day or four times each week creates a
thread of on-going communication and connection between you that can
help you through stressful times and stressful topics. Then, agree
to WORK ON THE SAME TEAM and go for a WIN/WIN around the difficult
conversation. Agree to keep the conversation ON THE TABLE until you
arrive at a mutually agreeable solution that both of you are willing
to try -- even for a time. EXPERIMENT. Agree to come up with NEW
OPTIONS that neither of you might have thought of before. You might
make a list of what is important to each of you about your hot
topic. Agree on a time when you can listen to one another for a
longer period of time. Again, take turns. Go away and think about
what your partner has shared. You may have to discuss this 2 -3
times if the issue is complex until you come up with mutually
agreeable options.
I'll check back with you in a month. |
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Dr. Jan named a Minnesota Trendsetter |
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See
MINNESOTA MONTHLY, July 2004 issue: Dr. Jan named a MINNESOTA
TRENDSETTER for her innovative work in promoting healthy, happy,
longterm relationships. This issue is on the newsstand now.
The article notes that her focus is helping couples create
relationships that not only function well, but that are vibrant and
long- lasting. "Big Picture Partnering is an approach for committed
couples who want to grow their relationship into something even more
wonderful," states Hoistad.
Take a look! |
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Want more Big Picture ideas? |
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The
basis for all of Dr. Jan's Big Picture ideas can be found in her
book, Big Picture Partnering: 16 Weeks to a Rock-Solid Relationship.
The book offers couples what other books do not: a way of being
together that is consistently nourishing and affirming, and a
program for creating lives of bounty, creativity, and possibility.
Big Picture partnering isn't just a skill or technique. It's a
new perspective on partnership and being together in the world. It's
for couples at any age and any stage of relationship who have an
honest and earnest commitment to one another, and a desire to find
their life's mission as a couple.
Order Now! »
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Conversation Cards for Couples |
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Another simple approach to partnering is our conversation cards for
couples -- Living Your Dreams Together. Do you ever wish your
partner really understood what makes you happy-and what drives you
crazy? Now both of you can stop wishing, and start getting more out
of your life together.
These 117 simple, fun Conversation Cards will help you learn what
your partner most likes, dislikes, and cares about-and will help
them discover the same about you. By asking each other these
easy-to-answer questions about work, family, fun, friends, money,
home, travel, caring, and spirit, the two of you will quickly
discover how to get more of what you want in life-and from each
other.
More on this topic »
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REGISTER NOW! Couples Workshop Starting July 17th |
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Join Dr. Jan as she walks you and your partner through the 16-week
process and the 10 Essentials of Big Picture Partnering. This is an
approach that will spark and renew all the joy and connection that
brought you together in the first place.
Big Picture Partnering is an approach that is educational and
fun! Working with Dr. Jan in a group setting sparks lots of ideas,
information, and offers support to make any changes you might
desire.
"Your class is great. You are a wonderfully clear and exacting
instructor--great for adult learners and nervous couples." 2004
workshop participant
Dr. Jan's next workshop begins July 17, 2004. Give yourselves a
gift that will last you a lifetime - just 3 hours each month (Five
Saturday mornings from 9am - noon, one Saturday each month.)
More on Workshops and Retreats |
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