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How to Dream Big and Live a Bold, Vibrant Life TogetherBoth workshops can be customized for your group. They will take your relationship to another level - giving you tools you will use for a lifetime.Discuss details by callingDr. Jan612.377.7923
Consolidate: To gather and focus, integrate and concentrate, systematize and unify. To firm up, render solid. To come together.Consolidating is a reevaluating and reclaiming of what is most valued and important in your life. It ican prepare your for the next phase of your journey. Be they large or small, it's making sure you keep in sight what you really want to create, the goals and dreams you want to achieve. Life is busy and often distracts us from what we really want and what is most important in our relationships.Spring cleaning is a great way to consolidate your "stuff" and it's a great way to come together. If you and your partner are ready to work together, set aside some time to tackle that closet, basement or garage. If you are single or your partner is busy, focus your attention on a project that makes you feel cared for, nurtured.One woman I coach was feeling a bit overwhelmed with her entire house, and her many life responsibilitiies. We agreed she would start simply by focusing on a space important to her creativity - her home office. Everyday she worked for a short time to make this space a wonderful, beautiful place to work, meditate, and create. Steadily and gradually she moved the piles of books and papers that previously covered the floor onto shelves and into file folders in drawers. As she sorted, much paperwork also went into the trash. She began to feel lighter as her office became a more peaceful haven.However, surprising herself, Sandra did not stop there. One day she came in and told me that once her office was in order, she had gradually worked through almost every closet and drawer in every room of the house! She was so pleased with herself and with the results. Her young daughters and her husband were excited about the progress and joined in the process, too. The girls helped sort through their many toys and clothes they had outgrown. Her husband helped to organize some shelves and hooks for all the brooms, dustmops and cleaning utensils.The positive, refreshing energy in this household was contageous. And best of all, Sandra said she could literally feel "the space in my brain open up" as she cleaned and organized her home. She made space for the new - new projects, new writing, and also for important time with her family and friends. Her life felt more focused and peaceful.Not everyone describes the outcome of spring cleaning quite so articulately, but it is a common feeling when we make space for what is most important to us: We feel lighter and more peaceful, energized and ready for the new.Consolidate. Make space for what you truly want at this time in your life.Have fun unloading and organizing -individually or together.Happy spring!Dr. Janwww.drjanhoistad.com Author, Big Picture Partnering: 16 weeks to a rock-solid relationship and Living Your Dreams Together: Conversation Cards for Couples.P.S. Thanks for sharing this newsletter with your friends and colleagues by using the Forward Email link below.
SPRING INTO CHANGE:Start SmallIf you are ready for some spring rejuvenation and have prior experience multi-tasking, here are some suggestions that combine the physical activity of sorting, throwing or cleaning with a mental/spiritual focus on making space for what you most desire.Closets
Your cloasets may be a jumble. Pick one and only one to begin reorganizing. As you do so, use the closet cleaning activity as a time to reassess. Think about keeping what is important in your life and about letting go of what is no longer satisfying, fulfilling or useful. With every bag taken to the recycle bin or donated to Goodwill know you are acting on an intention to make room for what is important to you, your partnership, your family. Take a break soon after the project is completed. Sit back and admire your newly organized closet. Have a cup of tea and make a list of the dreams you contemplated while folding the sweaters or rearranging the shelves. Enjoy your accomplishment -then go do something fun!
Calendars
You may be grappling with your weekly schedule and struggling to find time for yourself, the chores, some fun with friends and family or couple time. Whew! So much to do with every waking and resting moment. As you approach your calendar this week, start by taking a big deep breath, center yourself for a few minutes and contemplate what blend of activities would feel more enjoyable. Do this knowing you must be realistic. Things still need to get done, but maybe not everything needs to be done. Instead of letting the demands dictate your use of time, prioritize. If you are doing this as a couple, talk with one another or write in a journal about how you'd really like to spend your time this week. Agree to make one small change in your weekly calendar that is a proactive. You may wish to start with time to do something nice for yourself such a sleeping in one weekend morning, reading a good book, taking a walk with a friend. I know a couple that decided every Wednesday night would be family dinner time -omatter what else was being asked of them. Saying "no" to certain activities can open up space for what you may truly desire. You can always try it for two weeks and then reevaluate.
Cardio
Having a strong body can maske you confident as you tackle life's demands. While you exercise - or even doing housework -know you are strengthening your body, mind, and spirit to prepare yourself for what you want to bring into your life, be it deepening your relationship, becoming a better parent or shining in your participation and leadership at work. Imagine the changes filling every cell and bone of your body, strengthening every fiber of your being. Practice standing tall and moving fluidly through your day. Know you are filled with your own brilliance. Walk gently through your life with grace and dignity - It is another way of strengthening your heart.
Creativity
Maybe you've always wanted to sing, write, dance or paint. Maybe you haven't seen dear friends for a while. Maybe you want to travel more, or spend more time with your family. Ask yourself: What do I need to let go of? What do I need to learn? What do I need to do to bring in what I truly love? Am I willing to take action and make space for the things I really enjoy? Then take one small step to say hello to that that friend, sing in the shower, reopen that journal or take yourself on a date to the art museum.
Big Picture partners put the issue of household chores (insert any issue you are facing on a regular basis here) "on the table" rather than between them where they may blame, judge or fight about who is right or wrong. "On the table" means you both own the issue and both take responsibility to resolve the problem - together! Big Picture partners go for a Win/Win solution that is mutually satisfying. This is the criteria to aim for.Here are some steps to practice partnering on household chores. If you can partner on this issue you can then apply these steps to other things you are tryig to accomplish succesfully together:
- Set aside time for a discussion of household chores when you are calm and uninterrupted.
- Hear one another's preferences or irritations in an open and empathetic way, without becoming defensive. (
- Make a list of everything that needs to be done around the house and yard, and include the cars if necessary. Some couples also include making doctor and vet appointments, scheduling babysitters, or running the kids to and from the daycare on their list.
- Check off the chores that are successfully and easily accomplished, that you like or want to do, and indicate which partner is doing these chores.
- Everything left over becomes a list of things that need to be divvied up or shared. Some couples simply agree to pitch in and take on more tasks knowing it will make their lives go more smoothly. I've seen other couples who are bent on "fairness" and a desire to make everything "equal." They may trade one unpleasant task for another. Or they may agree to switch off every other week.
The most successful long term partners have no judgment about the exact number of tasks and avoid a tit-for-tat approach. They do what they say they will do - no matter how unpleasant and renegotiate by putting things back "on the table" when needed. Their focus is primarily on the successful outcome for both of them and for their family. They generously give and receive because they stay focused on the bigger goal - a happy, successful long-term relationship.
No one is born knowing how to have a relationship. In this day and age, with so many relationship options and little direction about what makes a good partnership, couples often work at cross purposes. They find that their relationship feels good only some of the time and they don't know why it goes sour or feels unfulfilling. Big Picture Partnering: 16 weeks to a rock-solid relationship teaches couples how to become empowered to make skillful choices that will help them create the kind of relationship they desire now and in the future. It's helpful for couples in trouble or couples wishing to take their relationship to the next level.
Praise for Big Picture Partnering:16 weeks to a rock-solid relationship
"Dr Jan generously distills her considerable expertise into a 16-week pathway to relationship success, empowering couples with valuable tools that will save them hundreds in therapy bills and years of frustration." - Patty Howell and Ralph Jones, the authors of World Class Marriage.
"It's difficult to find a simple, readable book that presents such a magnificent job of untangling the complexities of relationships - but Big Picture Partnering does it! A fantastic book to guide you to the relationship you long for." - Patricia Love, ED.D, author of How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It, The Truth About Love and Hot Monogamy.
As you all know, I have created a conversation card deck entitled Living Your Dreams Together: Conversation Cards for Couples (Twofold, 2004) These cards have been selling well at Bibelot and Patina and other gift stores as well as online through my website, amazon.com and other locations.I have since developed a line of 6 different conversation card decks and I'm looking for an overseas producer. I need a producer who can make hard boxes and also do beautiful 4 color printing.If you happen to have any good contact in China, India or other country that produces such products, please contact me a janhoistad@drjanhoistad.com I very much appreciate your assistance!The conversation questions provideA Jump Start ForYour Conversationsin a non-threatening, open-ended format.
Increase your knowledge about the flow in your environment and its impact on your life and goals, by visiting Feng Shui expert, Carole Hyder's website. Sign up for her informative newsletter at CaroleHyder.com She has many stories that can be accessed at Feng Shui Stories including one about spring cleaning from a feng shui point of view.
News and Notes
ReMarriage Magazine
Jacquelyn Fletcher, author of A Career Girl's Guide to
Becoming A Stepmom reports that there's a new magazine available this month, April, 2008. It will cover all the topics of remarried life that stepmoms and others need to know. ReMarriage is a quarterly, glossy magazine dedicated to people on the remarriage journey, covering everything from the wedding event and honeymoon planning to stepfamily living. Check out Jacquelyn's article on the names stepfamilies use to identify each other in the April issue. www.remarriagemagazine.com
P.S. I highly recommend Jacquelyn's book A Career Girl's Guide to Becoming a Stepmom. It is chock-full of humor and pathos, experiences and sound advice for any woman who is taking on an instant family that comes with the man she loves! Her useful newsletter is available atwww.becomingastepmom.com
You can find A Career Girl's Guide fo Becoming a Stepmom through any of the following distributors:
If you are a stepmom please read this book! Then write an online review at any or all of the above websites. Let other stepmoms know what you thought.
